I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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