I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
