u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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