Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
