it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
