I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
