I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
