They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
