This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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