just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
