your thong is hanging out like whoa
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She needs sedatives and a leash
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize