Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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