Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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