Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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