Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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