'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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