yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
