Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
