come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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