1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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