This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
