His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
