Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
