I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
