did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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