I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
