i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
