I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
