all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
