Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
