And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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