Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
