How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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