Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
