Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Randomize
