my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
