What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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