Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize