these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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