three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
