That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
