hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize