We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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