I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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