hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
