If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The best revenge is premature balding
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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