Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
