In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize