Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
