I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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