At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
false alarm, still single
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