You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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