New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
