dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
