I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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