All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
