the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
