Old men and throwing up are my life now.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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