When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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