so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize