I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
