My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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