Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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