you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
