dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize